Why Edward Hates the 70's
by Krysten Malfoy
Summary: Ever wondered why Edward hates living in the seventies? This fic has the whole explaination.
1. Grease

**Hey peoples! Here's the first chapter of another fanfic I wrote. Sadly, I don't own any of the characters except for the seventies people. This story is pretty much just to make you feel bad for Edward. Hope it works.**

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"No, Carlisle. Please, no! I will not put that gunk in my hair!" Edward glanced from Emmett to Jasper. _How come their hair passed "the seventies test"?_ He glared at Carlisle with a vengence. Carlisle rolled his eyes and edged closer with his comb and tub of hair grease.

"Come on Edward. Do it for your family." Now all six of them had Edward backed into a corner. He just kept shaking his head hoping this would help his case. Esme smiled and took the comb and a dollop of grease. Edward's eyes widened.

"No. Mom! Please don't do this to me! I'll look ridiculous!" Esme just shook her head and started slicking back Edward's hair. He sighed._ Great. First, they get me to wear these stupid bell-bottomed jeans. Then, they make me roll up my sleeves, even when I'm wear a T-shirt. And now this. It'll take a week to wash this crap out of my hair (-_-')_ When Esme finished, she stepped back to admire his hair.

"Doesn't it look great?" Emmett and Jasper burst out laughing and fell to the floor. Edward glared at them.

"I look stupid."


	2. The Bus

**Time for school *muffled chuckles (my two favorite words)***

_I can't believe I'm doing this._ Edward shuffled into the garage and stopped in his tracks when he saw the piece of crap they would be driving to school.

"A-a Volkswagon van? I can't be seen in that! Can't I take the station wagon instead?" Esme shook her head and shoved the keys to the bus into his hand and pushed him around to the drivers side. Edward's eyes widened.

"You're going to make me _drive_ it too?!" Esme started to speak but Alice jumped in.

"Come on Edward. I just saw that all the kids are going to think it's cool. Maybe, after school, we could paint it tye-dye. Would you like it better then?" Edward side-stepped around Alice and got in the van.

"Nothing. _Nothing_ could make me like this...this...thing. Even if you painted...Who was that popstar you saw getting her big break in a year or so? Madonna. Even if you painted Madonna on this van with no shirt on, I would still hate it." Emmett wolf whistled from the back of the van. Alice rolled her eyes and sprang into the passengers seat. Edward slouched into his seat and sighed.

"Time for school."


	3. Earth, Wind, and Fire

**Whoo! Another new chapter! Again, I don't own any of the Cullens or Earth, Wind, and Fire**

The Cullen kids pulled into the school parking lot in their new Volkswagon van. Other students that wished they had enough money to buy that kind of car just stared. Edward pulled into the closest spot to the school he could find. When the girls got out of the car, some obnoxious boy started wolf whistling at them... Until Emmett and Jasper got out of the van. Edward jumped out of the van and several girls who were sitting with their boyfriends stood up and stared. Edward smiled his crooked smile everyone loved and those girls fainted and their boyfriends didn't even bother to catch them because they were too busy drooling over Rosalie and Alice. The Cullen's went on with their day as usual, rolling their eyes when someone told them how rad their car was, or how groovy their clothes were. By the end of the school day, they had all had enough of the seventies, and Edward was ready to crack.

Rosalie and Alice had decided they wan't to go shopping so they took off without the car after the school, and Emmett and Jasper felt like going to a bar so Edward was left alone with his seventies-tainted mind. He almost made it to the van when some kids two cars down called him, "Yo! Eddy get over here! Check out this new cassette!" Edward rolled his eyes, _Why me?_ He turned around and walked over to the group of sophmores he was almost sure were named, Johnny, Danny, Penny, and Kelly. "What's up?" Kelly giggled and Penny smiled. "Listen to this amazing new band." She pressed the play button and Edward was almost sure that if he was still human, his ears would be bleeding, "Ugh! What is this crap?!" Johnny looked taken aback, "Uh..Err.. It's Earth, Wind, and Fire?" Now the music was pulsing through Edward's mind. Now all four students started to look worried. Danny stepped forward, "Hey,Ed? You okay man?" Edaward's hands started shaking and he pulled the cassette player out of their car and raised it above his head, "VAMP SMAAAAAASH!!!!" And he threw the player all the way across the parking lot and smashed a hole through the gym wall.

**Okay. Hope you guys like that last part, cause I know I did lol. Review and give me some ideas for other chapter**


	4. I'll Pay For That

**Teeheehee. This part was so fun to write.**

_**Carlisle's POV**_

I was just about to head off to my new job across town when the doorbell rang. _That's strange. We hardly ever get visitors_. I set my briefcase on the couch and sprinted to the door. When I opened it, I saw two police officers holding Edward by both arms, which were being held together by handcuffs._ Oh my God, Edward. What did you do?_ He just grinned guiltily and shrugged. I sighed.

"How can I help you officers?" The one on the right stepped forward.

"Good afternoon sir. I am Officer Hack." He stretched out his hand and I shook it.

"Um, I'm Dr. Cullen. My family just moved here. What happened?" He grabbed Edwards shoulder and pushed him forward.

"Is this your son?" I nodded.

"Well, he's been charged with, distruction of public property, distruction of private property, and resisted arrest." I pinched the bridge of my nose, something I had picked up from Edward, in frustration. _Edward, you had better think of something good to get you out of this mess. I am not helping. This is the third time you've been arrested in the past 75 years!_ Edward glanced at the two officers and the dropped down to his knees. He wrapped his arms around my legs and started to cry, though I knew better.

"I'm so sorry Dad! I didn't mean to! It was just that music they were listening to, it made my brain spazz out! Please don't let them take me away! Please! I don't want to go to another family! I like living here with you, and Esme, and Emmett, and Rosalie, and Alice, and Jasper! Please!!!!" I rolled my eyes and pried him off my legs and helped him stand. _Good job. That was the best act I've seen from you so far. We should get you an audition._ He leaned over to me and whispered so the officers wouldn't hear.

"Thanks." The officers looked taken aback. I pushed Edward into the house and pulled out a large roll of twenties.

"I'm very sorry officers. I promise I will pay for any repairs that need to be made and...I think this should make the charges disappear?" The two men took the twenties and stared at them for a moment. Then, they split the roll and put them into their pockets.

"We are very sorry for the inconvenience Dr. Cullen, please accept our apologies and tell your son we told him to have a nice day." I nodded and they ran back to their cruiser, discussing the odd doctor they had just met who didn't mind bending the rules. I waited until they were gone to slam the door which caused the hinges to snap and it fell out onto the front porch. _Crap. Esme's going to make me pay for that._ I stomped up the stairs to Edward's room and kicked the door in._ Shit. She'll make me pay for that too._ Edward was stretched out on his bed, reading a book. I grabbed the book and ripped it in half.

"What was that all about?! Now, I'm going to have to pay to fix your school, your friend's car, the front door, and this door! Or are you going to pay it with your non-existent savings??" Edward jumped of the bed and sighed.

"Look. I told you moving to the hippie capital of the U.S wasn't going to help me Carlisle. But you wouldn't listen to me. We should have just moved out of the country for a decade or two but noooooo. You wanted to stay here. You don't care about what we have to say. You just want to be the first man to graduate from every college in North America!!" I stepped forward.

"Edward. You don't know what I've gone through to make sure this family could have a shot at being normal like everyone else!! Have you ever tried to take care of a coven of seven vampires?! That can barely keep their teeth to themselves as it is?!!! What do think is going to happen tomorrow? When your friends show you another cassette? I won't be able to pay off every cop that arrests you Edward!!! Don't you get that?!! I only have so much money!!" I would have continued my rant, but Esme screamed from downstairs and Emmett started to howl with laughter. I growled and walked to the door.

"We _will _discuss this later."

**Okay. This actually happened to my uncle one time when he accidentally shot his friend in the leg. (don't ya just lurve the seventies?) And Officer Hack is my other uncle (seriously, my uncle works for the Sheriff.)**


	5. We'll Make You a New Door, Mom

**Okay next chapter. Ya I know Esme doesn't ever cuss, but I just wanted to show how devastated she was the Carlisle broke her house.**

_**Esme's POV**_

I stepped over the door that was laying on the porch, the boys were following me into the house. When I realized it was my door I snarled, and Emmett fell over laughing. I glared at him and Jasper pulled him back out of the house. _Good. I don't want to unleash my rath on the innocent._ I stormed across the living room and Carlisle came running down the stairs. When he stopped in front of me, I grabbed his shoulders and turned him toward the front door.

"What the _hell_ is that?!" He sighed and started to talk, but I interupted him,

"Why the hell is my door broke, Carlisle Cullen?! You better tell me or I will burn you up and dance around the flames!" Carlisle held up a finger, sped up the stairs, and came back carrying a protesting Edward over his shoulder. Carlisle dropped Edward down in front of me and looked at him.

"Do you want to tell her why?" I reached down and pulled Edward up off the floor.

"Edward...Anthony...Masen...Cullen. Why...the..._hell..._is my door broke?" I growled through my teeth. Jasper and Emmett came back in but I stopped them before they reached the stairs.

"Not another step boys. No one leaves this living room until I get a straight answer as to why my door is snapped off its hinges." They all stared at me for a moment. I let go of Edward and glared at everyone.

"If no one tells me why my door is not on its hinges, YOU'LL ALL SLEEP IN THE WOODS TONIGHT!!!!!" Carlisle pushed Edward forward, and began his conversation. He knew I was mad. I usually just make them sleep in the garage. Carlisle cleared his throat and I glared at him.

"Edward was..arrested today. For breaking his friend's tape player, breaking a hole in the school, and resisting arrest. I paid off the officers, but that's all I can really do right now. I told the officers that I would pay for any damages that Edward caused. I'm the one that broke the doors and..." I held her hand up to stop him from talking,

"The _doors?_ You broke more than one of my doors?_ Which_ one of my doors?" Carlisle sighed.

"The one to Edward's room, but.." I shrieked in agony.

"Do you know how long it took me to find that door?! It was hand crafted in Scottland..I-I'll never be able to get it replaced!! That was part of my collection Carlisle. Are you going to buy me a new Scottish Elm, McMalloy Original?! N-no you're not. Be-because he's dead!" A look of shock spread across Carlisle's face while I started to sob and laid my head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around me and glared at the boys. I felt him moved his hands. I figured he must be telling them to go upstairs, but then three other pairs of arms wrapped around me and all of my boys said,

"We're sorry Mom." I smiled and wiped the tears from my eyes, I was about to say that it was okay but Emmett jumped in,

"Don't worry Mom, we'll make you new doors!" Jasper nodded his head,

"Yeah, better ones, with a huge crystal door knob!" I grinned,

"You boys do that." All three of them ran to the stairs but I grabbed the back of Edward's shirt before he could escape.

"You, young man, are going to take the van, and go apologize to your friends and your principal. Then, you are going to go down to the police station and ask the two officers that brought you home if you can stay in a jail cell until morning. And you'd better hope they don't forget you're in there." I watched as he walked through the doorway,

"And don't even try to break out 'cause when you get home early we're just going to take you back and make you stay another day there." He waved me off and got in the van. Me and Carlisle watched as he drove down the driveway and down the street. I looked at Carlisle.

"He's going to see Tanya, isn't he?" Carlisle nodded,

"Most likely." I rolled my eyes and went back into the house.

"Shit. Can't get my kds to do anything any more," I sighed, "I hate the seventies."

**Whoo! It's finally finished. Okay, remember people. I own no characters except for the poor people who owned the tape player Edward destoryed, and the little freshman that was in the gym and was killed by a flying tape player, that know one knew where it came from lol. bye :-]**


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